Club409
The best damn waste of time!
WWJBD
SmoovB
Total posts: 1097
1/17/2006 4:47 PM
Dear Mike
I hate you so much. I am forced look at many terrible things daily. I've been known to say truthfully that on any given day I see three things that make Baby Jesus cry. I've seen that picture before and it took it's toll I suffered my little death inside. But just now I was feeling really REALLY vulnerable when I looked at that picture.
I crapped my pants and now I'm bawling like a 16-year-old baking cookies all on my lonesome. I haven't felt this bad since the time I saw an indigent man masturbating at a convenience store. I hope you enjoyed those pecan waffles you son of a bitch.
Love Bill
P.S. That doesn't look anything like Drew's chocolate transexuals.
P.P.S. Get cancer.
I hate you so much. I am forced look at many terrible things daily. I've been known to say truthfully that on any given day I see three things that make Baby Jesus cry. I've seen that picture before and it took it's toll I suffered my little death inside. But just now I was feeling really REALLY vulnerable when I looked at that picture.
I crapped my pants and now I'm bawling like a 16-year-old baking cookies all on my lonesome. I haven't felt this bad since the time I saw an indigent man masturbating at a convenience store. I hope you enjoyed those pecan waffles you son of a bitch.
Love Bill
P.S. That doesn't look anything like Drew's chocolate transexuals.
P.P.S. Get cancer.
acelxix
Total posts: 2398
1/17/2006 5:28 PM
Chloe manages to go outside of protocol (because Jack "really needs it" and she secretly wants to have his babies) and found out that there are 37 hostiles on site. She uploads a floor plan of the site to his phone and runs point from CTU. Jack realizes that he only has one extra clip in his stuffed bra but goes in anyhow.
He sneaks up behind a hostile and reaches for his knife--when he realizes that he took it out during his disturbing dream and left the knife on the airplane. So he takes off his tight heels and stabs the hostile in the neck. Another guard near by hears the commotion and comes running so jack throws the other heel and nails the hostile in the eye. Jack continues in this manner and works his way to the Colonel like a hot-pink high-heel through a hostile's eye.
Jack tries to ask the Colonel questions but Sanders stuffs his face with KFC original-style chicken and refuses to be helpful.
"We don't have a lot of time" Jack exclaims.
All that could be heard from the Colonel was a plethora of indistinguishable mummers.
To which Jack responds "The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you."
After some more gibberish Jack realizes the airstrike will hit in 2 minutes so he knocks the old man out and carries him to safety.
WWJBD when he notices a room labeled "South-East Asian Terrrorist Zombie Test Lab" on the way out of the complex.
He sneaks up behind a hostile and reaches for his knife--when he realizes that he took it out during his disturbing dream and left the knife on the airplane. So he takes off his tight heels and stabs the hostile in the neck. Another guard near by hears the commotion and comes running so jack throws the other heel and nails the hostile in the eye. Jack continues in this manner and works his way to the Colonel like a hot-pink high-heel through a hostile's eye.
Jack tries to ask the Colonel questions but Sanders stuffs his face with KFC original-style chicken and refuses to be helpful.
"We don't have a lot of time" Jack exclaims.
All that could be heard from the Colonel was a plethora of indistinguishable mummers.
To which Jack responds "The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you."
After some more gibberish Jack realizes the airstrike will hit in 2 minutes so he knocks the old man out and carries him to safety.
WWJBD when he notices a room labeled "South-East Asian Terrrorist Zombie Test Lab" on the way out of the complex.
Shawn
Total posts: 1367
1/20/2006 12:21 PM
First things first he would grab his Microtech Halo III
SmoovB
Total posts: 1097
1/20/2006 4:14 PM
It's a good thing Jack pulled out his Halo because just then jumped out from a behind a bulkhead. Chocolate since his days as a professional wrestler had achieved a closer understanding of his feminine side. That is to say he now worked for the Colonel as a transexual assassin. A big angry but very sexy transexual assassin.
"Sorry Jack I can't let you take the Colonel out of here. He said that there was only one circumstance that I should let him be abducted unconscious by uncompromising patriot Jack Bauer maverick CTU Director. He actually used those exact words I have it tattooed on my perineum."
"Any chance you'd be willing to tell me what that circumstance is?" Jack queried cursing his Microtech's four inch blade and Sexual Chocolate's five inch protective layer of fat.
"Hmm... well he didn't say anything about that. I love your work by the way. Maybe some time we could you know get together..."
"If you weren't a big black ladyboy and I weren't about to be blown sky high when that air strike comes in. Anyway I already have a romantic interest..."
"Air strike you say? Oh well that's one of the conditions the Colonel gave. I guess you can go."
It's too soon for Jack to breath a sigh of relief however because just then a trio of zombies bursts through the door of the lab. Jack manages to dispatch one with his knife and Sexual Chocolate crushes another. However the third latches it's zombie teeth into one of Sexual Chocolate's prodigous mammaries.
"Jack! You have to get... away..." Sexual Chocolate groans. He throws the last zombie back into the lab where sounds of further zombie activity emanate. "I don't have much time before I start to tuuurr --" he manages to choke out before he starts vomiting sexy chocolate blood.
Jack continues down the hallway dragging a comatose Colonel Sanders with him. Behind him he can hear outbursts of "Derka derka sherpa BRAAINNSSS" and gunfire from the base personnel.
WWJBD when he realizes that he took a wrong turn in the Albuquerque sector of the base making a giant loop and zombie Sexual Chocolate jumps out from behind a bulkhead?
"Sorry Jack I can't let you take the Colonel out of here. He said that there was only one circumstance that I should let him be abducted unconscious by uncompromising patriot Jack Bauer maverick CTU Director. He actually used those exact words I have it tattooed on my perineum."
"Any chance you'd be willing to tell me what that circumstance is?" Jack queried cursing his Microtech's four inch blade and Sexual Chocolate's five inch protective layer of fat.
"Hmm... well he didn't say anything about that. I love your work by the way. Maybe some time we could you know get together..."
"If you weren't a big black ladyboy and I weren't about to be blown sky high when that air strike comes in. Anyway I already have a romantic interest..."
"Air strike you say? Oh well that's one of the conditions the Colonel gave. I guess you can go."
It's too soon for Jack to breath a sigh of relief however because just then a trio of zombies bursts through the door of the lab. Jack manages to dispatch one with his knife and Sexual Chocolate crushes another. However the third latches it's zombie teeth into one of Sexual Chocolate's prodigous mammaries.
"Jack! You have to get... away..." Sexual Chocolate groans. He throws the last zombie back into the lab where sounds of further zombie activity emanate. "I don't have much time before I start to tuuurr --" he manages to choke out before he starts vomiting sexy chocolate blood.
Jack continues down the hallway dragging a comatose Colonel Sanders with him. Behind him he can hear outbursts of "Derka derka sherpa BRAAINNSSS" and gunfire from the base personnel.
WWJBD when he realizes that he took a wrong turn in the Albuquerque sector of the base making a giant loop and zombie Sexual Chocolate jumps out from behind a bulkhead?
acelxix
Total posts: 2398
1/24/2006 1:16 PM
It just so happens that Bugs Bunny decided to go the opposite way at Albuquerque and instead of ending up in Transylvania he ends up between JB and Sexual Chocolate.
After chomping down on a delicious carrot he asks "What's up doc?"
An awkward silence reveals the seriousness of the situtation so the witty rabbit bursts into a song and dance mesmerizing the crazed wrestler.
JB scurries through the rabbit hole with the colonel still on his back.
"I owe you one Bugs."
The urge to consume brains overcomes the hypnotic song and dance and all at once the wrestler-zombie attaches himself to Bugs Bunny's neck.
Jack lets out his typical "NOOOOOOOO!!!"
Fortunately what appeared to be the rabbit is actually a rag-mop and Bugs was already in the rabbit hole ahead of JB.
"You need to take a vacation doc" Bugs says as he disappears into another hole.
Jack tries to pursue but he can't keep up with the colonel on his back.
WWJBD when he emerges from the ground only to find Chuck Jones--dressed in a white suit with a hole in his goatee--eating a double BA Krystal burger playing pachinko?
After chomping down on a delicious carrot he asks "What's up doc?"
An awkward silence reveals the seriousness of the situtation so the witty rabbit bursts into a song and dance mesmerizing the crazed wrestler.
JB scurries through the rabbit hole with the colonel still on his back.
"I owe you one Bugs."
The urge to consume brains overcomes the hypnotic song and dance and all at once the wrestler-zombie attaches himself to Bugs Bunny's neck.
Jack lets out his typical "NOOOOOOOO!!!"
Fortunately what appeared to be the rabbit is actually a rag-mop and Bugs was already in the rabbit hole ahead of JB.
"You need to take a vacation doc" Bugs says as he disappears into another hole.
Jack tries to pursue but he can't keep up with the colonel on his back.
WWJBD when he emerges from the ground only to find Chuck Jones--dressed in a white suit with a hole in his goatee--eating a double BA Krystal burger playing pachinko?
Drew
Total posts: 5115
1/25/2006 1:29 PM
This is just to notify everyone that we now control the old school conservatives. Keep it up neo-conservatives and liberals next.
The Project
The Project
mike
Total posts: 2298
1/26/2006 8:05 PM
Do you think JB makes love to the sound of his theme music?
mwinter
Total posts: 4328
1/27/2006 12:15 AM
I think he generates the theme music while making love and he happened to do it once in a sound studio so that's how they got it for the show.
Shawn
Total posts: 1367
1/27/2006 12:22 AM
Due to Drew's earlier post with outside references I tried to find some more that tried to copy what we started.
WWJBD
WWJBD
Shawn
Total posts: 1367
2/6/2006 12:05 AM